please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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