i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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