I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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