he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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