His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
