so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
