the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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