So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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