mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
