I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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