actually, I'm a sock model
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
