I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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