Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
