I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i will never coherently bang her
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
