I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
