Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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