Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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