So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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