Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So squirting runs in the family.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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