Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
