We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
