i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I won the penis lottery.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
