a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
