I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize