woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
