Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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