The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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