i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
