Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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