It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
