U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
