You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
