Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
