So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
