And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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