Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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