Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
