Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
