You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
