i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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