I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize