Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
