Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
