it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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