I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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