My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
