Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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