How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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