I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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