so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize