Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
