We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
