i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
