I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
