I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
