so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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