I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
