I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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