Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize