I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize