So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
