Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
