matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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