omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
