we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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