Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
