He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize