I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
